transparency-2 i know #TransparencyTuesday sounds cooler but roll with me.

transparency inspires me...perfection does not. 

i just took down an IG photo that my husband did not agree with today.  he saw it when i posted it 2 days ago but didn't mention it until this morning.  had i known how he felt then, i would have removed it as quickly as i did earlier. 

you might have even seen it before i took it down if you follow me on IG; i was pretty proud of the fact that i had gotten a ton of stuff on my to-do list done and it was only 8am. as a girl who tries hard daily to kick my terrible procrastination habit, productivity makes me uber happy.  i had just jumped out of a 10 min steam room session but stopped in the mirror before heading to my locker. i had a towel wrapped around my body and one around my head/hair, and i took a selfie.  i planned to express and share my love for early morning workouts, productivity, and the steam room with my followers! i often make early motivational posts when i'm up at the crack of dawn and this was no different.  before i posted it, i did feel a little weird about it being too personal as a Christian, wife, mom, etc... and then i started comparing my pic to some of the crazy stuff i've seen not just across IG, but the WWW. i thought surely it was like comparing a kids cartoon to an X rated movie.  then i thought, "i could have a bathing suit on under this! people don't know." why make them wonder though...?  i then thought about girlfriends or couples at the spa, posting pics and sharing how much fun they're having in their robes and towel turbans, etc, etc, etc... WHOA.  does it really take all that? too much, too much! red flags were being thrown at me left and right but i chose to ignore them.  personal conviction was fighting its way through, but was i battling for or against it? are you completely ignoring that little voice and doing everything in your power to justify whatever it is you are on the fence about?  if you have to jump through a bajillion hoops just to convince yourself that whatever you're promoting or doing is not that bad... it prolly is (in my case).  it's just like wondering whether a dress is too short... you know the saying, "if you have to wonder...".  heck, God is still working on me in that area too!  i've had my issues with IG before; e.g., seeing half-naked amateur and professional "fitness" pics in my feed getting tons of love and Likes... and for a while it seemed like women were competing to see who could wear the least clothing without getting completely naked, my goodness.  i don't want to see that, and i don't and won't get down like that. for Likes?  would God himself Like it??  is a compromising picture ever worth ruining your witness? or, making your spouse or family uncomfortable or even upset? Sonny's words were, "well, it's a lil' much..." and they cut me like a knife; i immediately felt terrible.  terrible enough to write this post because 'little' things like that pic can cause more trouble than i ever intended it to both inside and outside of my home.  he concluded with, “...I get that it is harmless from your intended connotation and perspective though…if I thought it was bad I would have said something immediately...instead I see how it can be misconstrued as someone you've told me and your supporters you're not intending to be.” 

 i have to walk the walk if i'm talking the talk. after being on IG for a few years now,  Likes don't drive my posts anymore.  interacting, serving my audience, and making sure they are receptive to my topics is definitely important as a blogger/vlogger, but i've been asking God for quite some time to make my posts Spirit-led instead of being led by my flesh. literally. i don't want drama (i can actually count on one hand the number of weird/rude IG comments i've gotten over the years which is a blessing), i don't want the wrong kind of attention or comments to have to respond to (happily married, here), and i want to represent Him at all times.  this also means unfollowing people who  clearly don't share that same ultimate goal.  this (Christian) walk is not easy, but this walk is necessary.  He will shine through in every area of my life because my life belongs entirely to Him. 

 i have already apologized to Sonny, and now, i apologize to you.