(if you hadn't seen my IG post yet!)
now that the 3rd cat is out of the bag, i am really looking forward to being a loooooot more transparent about just what has gone on since march with y'all. simply put, i’ve been living a lie via social media. people see only what you choose to show them (filtered shots with perfect angles, perfect lighting, perfect smiles, perfect poses, perfect captions, etc., etc., etc.)...and usually the posts are filled with anything but the hard, difficult seasons you're going through.
that said, this 1st trimester is a lot like my last two pregnancies in many ways. the major differences? i didn't have much time to prepare this round, and i have two kids now! these symptoms started waaaay earlier this time... like week 3 early. weeks 9-13 were all i endured in the past, and from then to delivery my preggo journey was really fun and very enjoyable. those are the parts of pregnancy i miss and reflect back on often. however, it's going on 11+ weeks since the fit and the foodie was sucked straight outta le. i have been knocked completely on my butt. again. i know i'm not getting any younger (although this is still the best shape i've ever been in) and pregnancy is obviously a time to just slow down as my body adapts and prepares to grow a human for crying out loud... i get it. but the way my lifestyle is set up.... whew. with teaching classes and training (which is what i do), it's very difficult to deal with and accept not being physically able to perform at my best.
so, since march, my life motivation has tanked - my mood, my thoughts, my passion to do what i love...i have absolutely no desire to workout, eat healthy, cook homemade meals, create recipes, post on social media, talk on the phone, or be social in real life, absolutely nothing. most of the things i have been making i don't even eat! k, except those shrimp enchiladas from earlier this week (cause they were filled with a dairy cheese sauce ;) ). #killedthat anyway, i just want to sleep and be left alone until week 13. well, assuming prayerfully this all starts to taper off by then.......... but i can't do that.
life doesn't work like that, nor will the earth stop spinning just cause i need it to. on top of classes and clients i have a family to take excellent care of, a household to hold down, new cook books and recipes to create, workout programs to develop and implement, and a blog to run. finding the drive to do all of my normal, daily activities has taken everything in me. i teach my fitness classes on His strength alone. i put that mic on, say yet another prayer, and before i know it i’m ending class and taking it off. it’s all a blur; like an outer body experience or something. I wake up every single morning exhausted no matter how much sleep i got the night before, then i lay there and immediately wonder, "what kind of day will today be?", cause i still can't ever call it. will i get anything on my to-do list done today? what time will my daily headache/nausea symptoms kick in? what food will turn on me today? heck, what will my husband eat today!? i have not been able to keep up with Sonny's meal prep (tilapia....#UmmNo) because not only do i have zero energy to be in the kitchen for an extended period of time, but the smell of vegetables or homemade food cooking makes my nausea flare up. in short, i feel like the biggest bum EVER IN LIFE right now. #SubwayOnSpeedDial #BumLife #AllergicToProductivity #FitFoodieWho
this is supposed to be a joyous time! oh how i wish i felt the same on the inside more often than not though. this is my current reality, and it's important that i’m truthful about my symptoms and how i'm really feeling. it is what it is. pregnancy affects women differently (how many times do we hear and read that) and this is just how my 1st trimesters have proven to go but, this is only a season. seasons change and my good friends remind me often that, "this too shall pass," and they are exactly right. there will be brighter days, and i'll look back at this post and have a good laugh (and/or cry) eventually.
thanks for stickin' with me and for all the baby Egwuatu #3 love!!!
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